If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
