Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think my nap took me to another dimension
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
