i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The Olympian is in my bed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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