I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
