I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
