i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
