I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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