I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i think i just lost a toe
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
