I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
