I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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