So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
