i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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