I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
