Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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