Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
