There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
