hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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