Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
