I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
