Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
