i already hear my dad disowning me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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