Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
