Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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