i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.