Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box