i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
