If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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