Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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