Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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