It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
