you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
