i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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