It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
even my farts smell like vagina
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
