Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
