also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
