Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
