Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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