You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize