Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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