i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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