Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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