Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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