if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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