Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
