he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
