got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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