I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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