im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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