My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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