I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
