Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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