In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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