i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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