I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
