Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize