He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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