He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
