Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
