My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
