She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need water and some morals
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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