Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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