But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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