I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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