My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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