I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
