if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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