i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
