I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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