You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
