i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
