TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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